Week 13: Miscarriage, Priorities and Ultrasounds

12/8/10
It is so easy to forget that finances are only logistics, that they don't really matter.  I spent two days in hospitals with a good friend who was miscarrying, and that was the lesson: I spin scenarios of complex issues to solve, how to breastfeed you if I get a job in Colorado that I have to commute to, but the truth is none of that matters.  What matters is relationship, love.  All the beeping nervous hushed sterility of medical care very quickly realigns our priorities: money doesn't matter.  Logistics aren't the point.  Love is.  You are.  Now, calmly imbibing my Happy Light before I go to the dog park with Daddy and the puppies, now is real life.

Thank you for not miscarrying.  I am so happy you're coming.  See you on ultrasound tomorrow.

12/10/10
Happy Light meditation again.  It was awesome seeing you yesterday!  You did such a good job the nurse said repeatedly "I really like this baby.  It's so cooperative!"  You lay on your back with your little curved forehead and nose in profile while you waved your arms around, put your fist on your chin and once maybe sucked your thumb.  It was amazing!  I posted an album called "Bubble's Really in There," location My Tummy, on Facebook and lots of people liked it and commented how great the photos were.  Daddy and I decided to get food tracker books because he and I are both gaining a lot more weight than we need to be, but now we're in pre-diet last-ditch indulgence mode, so we got a great big Ben and Jerry's cookie chocolate syrup sundae on Pearl Street after we saw you and now Daddy's out buying donuts.

There is definitively only you, no twin, and the doctor said you look perfectly healthy.  It's hard to believe there is half a year to wait before I get to hold you in my arms.  But now we know you're really in there, all 7 centimeters crown-to-rump of you, wiggling around when I giggle.

Last night I dreamed of an old friend named Trevis who died when we were young.  He was blown away when I told him I was 4 months pregnant, so I guess you aren't him.  I wonder who you are...

Please go comfort Aunt Banana when you're bored of wiggling...

12/14/10
Bubble,
How do you feel about trying on Clementine instead of Bubble?  Bubbles are so ephemeral, and they disappear if you touch them.  You are clearly not ephemeral...

I just walked the Labyrinth at Boulder Community Hospital for the second time, waiting to have my blood drawn for an early glucose screening.  It's a fantastic labyrinth and I look forward to walking it in Labor with you.